The End of the School Year..

It's hard to believe how quickly the end of the year is approaching - it feels like we're moving at warp speed! But even so it can't come quickly enough...everyone is exhausted, students, teachers, administration, and we're all ready for a break. One of my colleagues observed that people think summer break is a remnant of the industrial age school model, but that really by the time summer comes we're ALL ready for a break and we really need it. I have to agree; by now even my cutest kids are getting annoying!

But even "annoying" they are still amazing - today we made brownies in class (tomorrow we are holding a bake sale to raise money for Burma disaster relief) and they were so excited and mesmerized by the process. Every step of the recipe was greeted by clamors of "I want to see" and "Ewwww!!" (when we mixed the oil and sugar). But cutest of all was the egg cracking - the recipe called for 4 eggs, so 4 students got to crack eggs, and those students were both terrified and really excited (I guess 8 year-olds don't crack a lot of eggs, or any really). The first student to get up was one who often has trouble concentrating in class (she's a year younger than the other students) and is also often excluded (or maybe controlled? She is so eager to please them they don't treat her as an equal.) by the other kids. But when she took that egg and cracked it on the table faster than anyone expected, she drew a loud "Ohhhhhhh!" and a spontaneous round of applause! The smile on her face was priceless!

The brownie making today was prompted by my kids' request for the brownie recipe a few days ago when they asked what I was making for the bake sale tomorrow. When I said brownies, one girl wanted the recipe and as soon as I started writing it down the others wanted a copy too. BUT I absent-mindedly forgot that the American measuring system is different from what a lot of places use and wrote everything down in cups and teaspoons. WY came in yesterday and said she'd made the recipe. "How was it?!" I asked. She shrugged and smiled noncommittally. "Teacher what is a cup? Like the paper cups we use in the lunch room (which are probably about 1/3 to 1/2 of a cup)? My Mom thought there was too much sugar (the recipe called for 1 cup) so we used half the amount of a paper cup."

Which means they probably used about a quarter cup of sugar which must have been a total disaster! The bulk of the recipe is sugar! Oh well - live and learn.

Elite Korean Schools...

It's been a long time, but school goes on! With lots of excitement - most recently I had a student throw up in class (yesterday, poor girl, she said her stomach hurt and I made the appropriate "ooh" noises, and then asked if she wanted some water or to go to the secretary - there is no nurse - and she said no, and the next thing I know she's thrown up all over the floor! But my class was very good - no comments like "eeww...gross...smelly".), the librarian is leaving (making 6 teachers to go this year!), and my new boy has been enrolled for 16 days and missed 6 of them!

This article in the New York Times caught my eye, and a lot of other people's (it is the number one emailed article today). It certainly portrays a lot of what I've seen during my time in Asia.

Sex and Easy Teachers...

Just wanted to share these tidbits!

Last week as his students were coloring, the second grade teacher overheard one of his male students ask another, "Do you know what sex is?". He groaned inside, not the sex talk! "No, " said the other, "what is it?". Just before he could intervene he heard the first boy reply, "It's true love and hard to find!"

And yesterday one of my students called out "Teacher, you're easy!". I was just about to tell her not to say that when I realized I didn't want to have to explain why not!! So I just smiled weakly and said, "Thank you."

Loose tooth!

One of my students just had a tooth fall out during the Reading Comprehension section!!

Totally unphased, she brought it up, showed it to me, asked for a tissue and sat down to finish the test. Kids! So resilliant!

Just another day in the life of an elementary student.

As I'm sitting here while my kids take the Stanford Test, I'm reading some articles on education, and I've just come across one about test-based promotion in New York City which seems relevant to my school. The article explains the difference between social promotion, promoting a student to the next grade because he or she has finished the previous one, and test-based promotion, promoting a student to the next grade because he or she has passed a test based on the material from that year demonstrating comprehension. The idea behind test-based promotion is that it is better not to promote a student who has not mastered basic skills for his or her sake, and studies suggest that students improve when given more time to master the same skills rather than being thrown into the next grade.

I wonder if such a policy would be appropriate at a school like mine where the students enter the classroom with vastly diverse English language abilities and previous knowledge, given the range of schools they come from. Perhaps, instead of promoting students based on age and completion of previous grades we should test them on the basic skills we expect them to master in each grade and ensure that they have the foundation they need to continue on to the next grade.

Of course, you run into social and development problems as far as age goes, particularly in elementary school - the difference between my third graders and the one student in my class who should be in second grade is very clear. And there is certainly still a stigma attached to being "held back" that would have to be addressed somehow. And in the country where I am teaching, age is integral to the social hierarchy.

Testing!

This week my students are taking the Stanford tests - an American standardized test that is similar to the Iowa tests I took growing up in New Jersey, except that unlike the Iowas the Stanford tests are untimed. These tests are a challenge for my students for several reasons. First of all, almost all of my students are English Language Learners in a non-English immersion environment and so vocabulary, reading comprehension, grammar, and math word problems are very difficult for them. Second, many of the questions use very American concepts or vocabulary like "What shape is an alphabet block?" (my kids were trying to figure out what shape a block in the shape of an A would be) or "At what temperature does water freeze on the Fahrenhite scale?". Obviously these tests are American, so that makes sense, but I guess the question is why is this non-American school requiring the students to take these tests?

I'm assuming it has to do with WASC accredidation, as well as being used as a measure of progress, but I do wonder how accurate the results will be. Particularly because when my kids don't know the answers right away they tend to rush through and just pick an answer without really thinking it through. This puts me in a difficult position; should I emphasize the importance of the test to make them work more carefully or should I just let it go? They're only 8 years old, do they really need to be freaked out about a standardized test now? I think they'll have plenty of time for that in the future!

AND I got a new student yesterday! So this poor boy has to take the Stanford tests all week! Yesterday when we were doing vocabulary he looked at me and said, "Teacher, I don't think I've learned any of this!". Poor boy. Oh well, just do your best!

Not Working Together

On Thursday I wanted the students to work together on a science worksheet, so I made groups randomly (sometimes I let the students pick their groups, sometimes I assign them deliberately, and sometimes I choose them randomly). It just so happened that the two boys in the class ended up in the same group. I was making three groups of three, which meant that one girl had to work with the boys. And randomly the quietest, shyest girl ended up in their group!

I looked over and tears just started rolling down her cheeks! It was awful! I knew she wasn't being mean, she was just upset at being singled out. But what could I do?! I've made a big deal all year about how we all need to work with everyone.

And then all of a sudden, AM says, "I'll switch with you." I was so proud of her. It was a really mature thing to do. Now, technically I shouldn't have let them switch because the whole point is that they are supposed to work with each other, but I was so impressed with her offer and the other girl was clearly so incapable of pulling herself together (silent crying is the worst because you know it's not for show) that I let them. And everything went fine - in fact, it was the best group work they've done in a while! But I hate making my kids cry!

Cultural Interpretation

This evening I had an experience that shed a little light on my students' behavior in the classroom.

I was attending a cultural performance and the seat next to me was empty. There was a woman holding an adorable little boy (who looked about three) one row in front of me. This little boy couldn't stop squirming and all of a sudden realized the seat behind his mother was empty. He tugged on her shirt and pointed at the chair and she sighed and put him down. He toddled over to the chair and climbed up until he was sitting in the chair. Then I hear, "Mom. Mo-om." And when she turns around, exasperated, to say "shhh," he chatters a question and she nods. And he stands up in the chair.

After about a minute, he gets down, toddles back to Mom and asks for some juice. Then he toddles back to the chair and climbs up. After a minute I hear, "Mom. Mo-om. Mo-OOOOM." She turns around again with her finger on her lips, and he chatters the same question. She nods. Again he stands up.

This happens at least three more times and it finally occurs to me that you never see an American child asking for permission to stand on a chair, particularly if that permission has already been given. And I realized that the tone of his voice was identical to the tone my students use to say "Teacher!" as soon as I've given them an assignment that involves any independent thought. They can't even write down an answer until they've asked for my approval.

Which reminds me. One of my students has been driving me crazy recently in class, talking back, talking out of turn, etc. But yesterday she came to class and said, "Teacher, my mother says when I was sleeping last night I said, 'Teacher, teacher, teacher'." Good to know that I'm haunting their dreams as much as they're haunting mine!!

The Glass Ceiling...

I had one of those head-shaking moments today where I just couldn't believe what I'd said in class.

We are studying the federal government in social studies and I was trying to explain about minority rights and I was giving an example about half the class voting for the president. And I unconsciously kept referring to the President as "he" and one of my girls (AM - one of the ones with all the energy) piped up indignantly, "Or she. The President could be a GIRL." And I was just blown away - both by the fact that I had been making such gendered remarks unconsciously and that this precious fireball of an 8 year old had called me out on it! That in her world it was equally possible for the president to be a female as a male and she wanted to make sure I knew it.

God bless innocence! And may she never lose it. Who knows....maybe if Hillary gets elected I too will live in a world where females can be president.

New York Times Education Article...

This New York Times article seems pretty similar to a lot of the education articles being written right now - an underperforming public school is either improving or getting worse, why? In this case, the school in Newark (which has failed to meet the federal benchmarks set out in No Child Left Behind for the past 7 years) seems to be doing better. The author seems to think that the (vaguely referred to) improvements come from the developing of a community at the school. Consequently, the article doesn't spend much of its three pages discussing exactly what the teachers are doing that is different (which is what I want to know!) Instead, it says that students now want to go to school instead of having to be pushed out the door, and that parents want to know why this is, but then it never really answers that question.

Anyway, one of the first things that struck me about this article is that the third graders are getting letter grades! This is true in my school as well, and I find it a strange practice. Why are we giving 8 year-olds letter grades in subjects when so much of what they are learning has to do with behavior and developing study skills. Wouldn't it be more useful to evaluate their interpersonal skills, their diligence, their consistency, their engagement? And particularly at underperforming schools - how does this third grader, who is below grade level in math and scores an average of 51% on her tests, feel about receiving an F on her report card? And is that really going to motivate her to do better next time? I would argue that such grades only decrease a child's motivation and confidence, making it more difficult for them to succeed in the classroom.

Catching up..

It seems like I have a lot to catch up on - I haven't been as good about posting my thoughts as soon as they happen and now I have so many thoughts I don't know where to begin!

But last night I was able to see a public school in the country I am living in - I have met a teacher here and she has been very informative, telling me about education here and taking me to see schools. For starters, public school in this country is not free - it costs between 1200 and 1500 dollars a year, not including lunch and book costs. Also, 80% of high schools are single sex. I was very surprised to hear this, especially after reading the New York Times article about single-sex education in American public schools and the current debate over its merits. The teacher I spoke with told me she believes the division here comes from Confucianist traditions which argue for separation of the sexes. The American debate appears to be more along the lines of nature versus nurture, and seems to take two forms. There are those who fight for and against single sex education, but within the pro-single sex education side there is another debate about whether there are intrinsic differences between boys and girls that need to be addressed separately or whether there are socially produced differences that need to be addressed.

Perhaps in order to evaluate single-sex education we need to look outside our own system and at those systems that have employed single-sex educational methods for much longer. Certainly, in my experience, the emphasis placed on education where I am living this year is much stronger than it is in the US.

I actually think that it may not be single-sex education at all that is revitalizing education in these schools discussed in the article, but just the change, the chance for something new - American education desperately needs change, and perhaps single-sex education offers one vehicle for hope, which translates into higher motivation and drive, sort of a placebo effect. It seems to me that instead of worrying so much about making all schools the same (having everyone on the same page at the same time on the same day as NCLB seems to encourage), we should be concentrating on offering more different forms of education, to cater to the needs of a continually diversifying population. Children across the US are different whether they are boys of girls; let's give them (and their parents) more choices about how to meet their specific needs.

Stopping and Taking Stock

As I alluded to yesterday, the past two weeks have been a whirlwind of activity, including all sorts of drama and excitement. And I have barely had time to write, but yesterday after my post about Simon Says, something happened that made me take stock again, caused me to pause and re-evaluate and even smile a bit.

After my remarks about my lack of patience yesterday, my students did something that regardless of my lack of patience would have caused me to lose it (although given that we had only just introduced bathroom passes yesterday on another day I might have been annoyed but not mad). We had just finished playing Simon Says and doing math, and then there was a kerfuffle in the hall - I looked out and THREE of my students were on the floor, having tackled one girl for the aforementioned bathroom pass (the reason for the bathroom passes is another part of the ever-going saga, involving the conversation I had after school on Wednesday with the mother of SG - the girl who is constantly fighting with JY and, because she is half Canadian and half Korean, is a minority in a society that is very insular). I couldn't believe it. I was so angry at them for disregarding my rules AND for causing a spectacle in the hall, that I raised my semi-existent and very raspy voice and yelled (I even shut the door loudly!). And then I made them write essays about WHY IT IS SO DIFFICULT TO FOLLOW THE RULES. And their responses just made me melt. Here are a few of my favorites (no those are not typos - and I wish I could include the handwriting):

"Because we just want to play and we want to do what we want to do. first but sometimes just our class get good and fun things, but we agree and sometimes say bad words." ~ HL

"I can't follow rules -
1. Speaking korean
2. talking in Journal
3. running hallway
4. hitting
5. not listening
We can't follow rules because it's to hard. We just don't want to do. We forget ~ I don't know why I'm doing this thing that get's trouble. It's hard to make me do clear things. We don't think what happen and just doing." ~ ES

"It is hard to follow becaus we cant play in plaing time. we went to play whet we went" ~ YB

And the one that made me tear up:

"I try to follow rules the other's do to but we get to exited and we forget about the rules. I know that I should not break them but sometimes I Just forget. I feel so bad, I feel like I need to go to Jail when you get angry. We act like we don't like but deep inside we do. I don't like to break rules but sometimes it slips out of my mind. I am so sorry. SORRY (very sad face)." ~ AM

And the poor girl who was out of the room when the kerfuffle happened (with the other bathroom pass) and didn't know why we were writing essays:

"???.....I don't know what am wrong but sorry teacher because I make you sad. but I want to say this I didn't do in purpose." ~ JY

It's moments like these when I remember just how lucky I am to have this group of kids as my first class ever. And how amazingly resilient kids are. And how incredible it is that they came in smiling this morning, as usual.

What a week!

Oh my goodness! It's been a while since I posted, but life has certainly kept on going here - at something like warp speed! Since my last post, my mother has been to visit for a week, the International Festival finally took place, a new forth grade teacher has arrived, AND I have been sick for five days, which included two of larangitis. Today, I think I'm heading toward the end of whatever kind of bug this is (general flu symptoms with an awful hacking cough) but this week has been a trial! And the weather hasn't helped - apparently this is the season of "yellow dust" which means highly toxic air that we are supposed to avoid going out in (right) and casts daylight into an ominous semi-darkness, sort of what I imagine tornado season would be like.

So with all those factors, my patience has run thin this week and I have had to catch myself several times before taking it out on the kids! For example, just now as the kids were coming back from art class in rather high spirits, and I snapped at them a little too sharply when they weren't quite during journal time. And then when they were scared into submission I realized that was ridiculous and decided we needed a few minutes of Simon Says because really, what's the point of school if it doesn't involve having fun as a class sometimes?

Oh well. School's out - so must run for now.

Rock pets

I've mentioned before the abundance of personality in my class and I'm always thinking of and then forgetting stories I can tell to illustrate this. Well here's one from yesterday :).

I'm always impressed by their creativity - at recess one group of girls has taken to digging in the dirt for their "chocolate factory" coming up with disgusting concoctions that do no justice to chocolate and when soccer was banned for a week (too many fights) the boys invented all sorts of games, including a jumping one similar to the long jump.

So I shouldn't have been surprised by anything they do, but even so I couldn't quite swallow my smile when, after recess, SG arrived in line clutching two paper cups of rocks. Now these were not polished, attractive, smooth rocks - they were more like chunks of concrete from the building's foundation. When I asked, "What are those?", she responded seriously, "Oh, that's Ginny, and that's Rocky, and that's Cutie."

Too much. Rock pets. What next?

Green Dot

Yesterday M passed along this powerful story about a public school in LA and an organization called GreenDot that specializes in revitalizing urban schools. It's a pretty powerful story, offering a perspective on school politics and the teacher's union that make me appreciate what I deal with at my school (privately run and independently owned - no school board, no teacher's union). Of course it only tells the story from one side and the resistance the teacher's union and the teacher's showed to GreenDot makes me wonder what was not being told.

Regardless, it's a fascinating listen.

Child Soldiers

So, after about six months of teaching I think one of the hardest things a teacher faces is that blank look on a child's face when they simply don't get it. It doesn't matter how many explanations you've gone through, how many different ways you've tried to teach it, the problem remains - if they don't get it what do you do??

This question sounds simplistic: you teach it. That's what your job is. But believe me, it isn't that easy (which is what I was trying to say in yesterday's post, albeit rather uneloquently). Yesterday it was the How To Essay, today it was public speaking and math. No matter what the topic, when those blank eyes stare back at you (at least for me) it's like a little pit of despair opens in my stomach...how can I help you??

This happens a lot with one of my students, AM (the one who struggles in cursive and math) and who I am beginning to think must just understand the world differently than I do - in a way she reminds me of CJ (the boy with possible undiagnosed autism who left in the middle of the year and who I remain convinced simply views the world differently, not any less rationally - for a therapist's perspective on autism presented in novel form I recommend The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night) except that her struggles are much more obvious; if CJ suffered he suffered silently, AM wears her frustration like a very tight jacket, practically writhing to get out of it when it hits.

In my post on fighting with students, I mentioned previous fights - one of the most memorable was with AM. One morning, in the course of teaching, I said something that upset her (I can't remember exactly what it was - I may have told her we needed to move on and I didn't have time to do whatever she wanted, read something, etc.) and it was instant freeze out. I have never had the silent treatment administered so effectively. She simply refused to speak with me for the next 2 hours. This was different from JY's pout, which was much more age appropriate; AM's silent treatment was chilling. To think that so much silent anger (whatever happened between us was not something particularly significant in my view, but obviously not so for her) could radiate from such a little package was very revealing.

AM is adopted. I have been told that she does not get along well with her mother, and I have seen for myself the less than friendly interaction between her and her 6th grade brother (although how much of that can be chalked up to brother-sister relationships generally I don't know). In class, she is constantly seeking attention and often resorts to physical and verbal antics to get it (she was the student who crawled across the floor when the high school students were here working with my class, not something that usually happens in class, although the other day JY did completely bemuse me by lying flat on the floor on her stomach and flapping her arms and legs, I never got a satisfactory answer for that behavior...), continually falling out of her chair, dropping notebooks and pencils, etc. She also makes a practice of telling me I think she's crazy, or I've said she's stupid (she takes pleasure in asking "Am I crazy" when I'm talking to another student, and then claiming my affirmative responses to that other student as a response to her question) and saying she's going to poke her pencil in her eye or kill herself (as I'm writing this, I'm wondering whether I should be taking those words more seriously; should I consider those words a serious threat? My instinct is that they're not, just frustrated words from a frustrated girl, trying to get a rise out of her teacher - we've talked about the seriousness of suicide and I don't think that's what she means, but I don't know - do 8 year olds kill themselvs?? I think AM has too much zest for life to want to leave it.) But those 2 hours of silent treatment from this spitfire of a little girl (she was the student running her International Festival group) made me wonder just what she feels, or rather, how she views the world and her place in it.

Anyway, the fear of rejection (?), failure (?), abandonment (?) I sense makes those times when she does not understand something much more difficult. She responds by claiming she's stupid, then rushing to do a problem and accidentally pushing her books off her desk or making more mistakes because of her rush, then using those incidents to reinforce her negative self image. And I struggle to help her understand, to try to understand myself what it is she does not see, to control her frustration, to reassure her. And to appease the other students, who are clamoring for attention and help, and want to know why I'm "only helping Amika". What can I say: "Amika is only on question 1, she doesn't get, you are on question 10 so back off"? Clearly not. So instead there is a caucophony of voices raised in an ugly chorus of "teacher, teacher, TEACHER!" And if I do leave Amika to help another student, she takes it personally, convinced of her own incompetence and my uninterest.

Rereading this post, I realize it sound like AM and I struggle all day, every day which is completely untrue. AM is a wonderful little girl, full of laughter, pranks, and a passion for life. She's pint-sized but potent. Which just makes these episodes of frustration that much harder - it is hard to see this self-assured little girl struck down by a math problem or a cursive p. Every time we have a frustration episode, I breathe a sigh of relief when she asks me to read with her, or comes to show me a picture she's drawn, or tries to make me laugh. She's still there; she hasn't given up yet.

I just hope for her that day never comes. But my experience with AM makes me wonder about all those other little girls and boys out there dealing with so much (adoption, divorce, a single-parent household, abuse, poverty, etc.) and their valiant attempts to be kids regardless. The ones who succeed are miracles and the one who don't - well, what can we expect? All I can think about is those students in Queens going to school in leaky trailers.

How to do what??

A sunny Tuesday! Things are finally looking up weather-wise!

I don't know about teaching-wise though. This morning I had to teach the "How-To-Essay" and it's moments like these when I really feel the lack of teacher training and teaching experience.

The "How-To-Essay" is your basic explanatory essay - obviously it is supposed to explain how to do something. Which is fine - the kids understand that. But this essay builds on the building blocks of writing we've been working on all year (my LEAST favorite Language book chapters). And it's not that my kids don't get them (we've learned about topic sentences and details, and descriptive words and pre-writing, and drafting, and editing) it's just that I don't think I teach these chapters very well...I always end up talking too much and for too long, which makes it difficult for them to follow (can you imagine trying to figure out what the teacher is talking about when she keeps saying use details and you don't know what a detail is?). So it's frustrating for me because I know I'm not doing a great job of explaining or demonstrating and I know it's important for them to learn. AND in addition, their English is weak enough that they're struggling both with understanding the structure and organization I want them to use AND the vocabulary and basic grammar of the language they need to write in.

These chapters really make me feel like a second year of teaching would be good because it would iron out all these kinks. If I taught again next year, that second group of kids would benefit from my simply having tried out a few things on the first batch. And it makes me wonder about what I would have learned if I had gone through a teaching program. Can a program really teach you how to teach or is it all theory until you're actually in the classroom? And since different textbooks are different does that make every teaching job different? I wonder if I had taken some classes on language acquisition if everything I see my kids gowing through would make more sense!

Ok I'll have to reflect more on teacher education and the actual process of teaching later! School's over!

Fighting with Students...

Ok, this week has been light on posts, even though quite a bit has been going on, but I've finally found a few minutes to reflect and I want to start with something that happened this morning.

One of the difficult things about being a teacher is that you are constantly dealing with a variety of personalities and behaviors. At one point a friend asked if I had a favorite student and I thought about that for a bit and realized that not only do I have a favorite student (which is bad because you never want to favor one student over the others) but I have a least favorite student (which is worse, because I think it's easier to mask fondless than dislike).

The reason I think favoritism can be a problem is that there is only so much time in a day; I've already mentioned how influential I think a teacher's behavior and actions can be on students' perceptions of themselves and their experience in school, and having a favorite student puts the other students in danger of getting less positive attention, and therefore negatively impacting their self image. However, in a class of 9, I think there is less danger of some students being ignored altogether (which I can only imagine is a huge problem for teachers in classrooms of 35 - there simply isn't enough time in a day to have meaningful interactions with each student) and when I think about YB as "my favorite student" it has more to do with the ways I've seen him grow over the year, and my belief that under his initially quiet exterior there is a very smart, very funny little boy working his way out. And the other students aren't far behind as far as my belief in them and desire to encourage them goes, it's just that for some reason his quietness spoke to me.

However, the real problem is that of my 9 students, one of them, JY, really annoys me. And frequently not just in that expasperated sense, but in that "I can't believe you are treating people that way" kind of sense (she is the one who constantly fights with SG, and as I watch their interactions and her interactions with everyone around her I am struck by the cruelness of many of them, her insistence on calling out other people's mistakes, her quickness to take offense, her refusal to accept apologies, her haughty pouts). This is a huge problem, because it is a real struggle for me to maintain an objective position to ensure that I do not appear to be taking sides. It's also a struggle because ever since the beginning of the year her mother has been coming to me, distraught that her daughter doesn't have any friends. And what can I say? (Your daughter doesn't have any friends because she is horrible to everyone she plays with? I can't make people be friends with someone that mean?? Clearly, I can't say anything like this, I simply addressed over and over in class the importance of community and not letting people feel left out (thanks for the suggestion Mom), and it has become much better during the second half of the year - I would say they are all friends again.)

It is also frustrating because, as a teacher, I feel a responsibility to help these students learn about appropriate ways to interact (our Social Studies book had a lesson on Solving Problems that we have referred to again and again). But how do you teach a child? You can't simply approach her like an adult and say "Hey, you're being a jerk, cut it out". Instead, you have to model and reinforce positive behaviors. And do your best, but it can be freaky and uncertain and they will not always like how you do it and let me tell you, having an 8 year old mad at you can be terrifying.

For example, this morning we were reading about how to resolve an argument and JY raised her hand and asked if it was wrong, if you hit someone by accident for that person to say "He-ey" (in an annoyed voice). Now this is a continual behavior for her, she often points out other people's behaviors labeling them as wrong or bad, and not recognizing that she does many of them herself. During the year I have tried to reinforce the idea that we all make mistakes or do things we shouldn't so pointing fingers isn't a good idea. And today while trying to explain that it wasn't wrong to say "hey" or not want to accept an apology immediately, I chose to use a recent example of a fight between JY and SG where JY had done something similar - BAD idea. JY immediately shut down, head on desk, no response to questions, total block out.

Now as a teacher, or at least as a new teacher, when something like this happens I get a pit in the bottom of my stomach (I will never forget the first time one of my students, ES, went home crying - it's terror, will she be here tomorrow? will her parents freak out? etc.). I worry that I've done irreversible damage to the child, or that I've lost her trust, or that we'll never recover. (I'll save the stories of other fights for another day.) And this morning I felt particularly bad because I know that I often dislike JY's behavior (which, in my worst moods, translates to disliking her) and I wondered if I had been too hard, or if I should not have tried to use that example, or what I could have done to prevent her anger. But I also know that she has a tendency to pout and over dramatize situations.

But now, the question is what to do about it! She's ignoring me and everyone else. I give her an opportunity to talk about how she's feeling, but she ignores me, so I can either force her to talk to me, disrupt class, and give her a stage to vent or I can respond by ignoring her and moving on with class. So I decide to simply move on and see what happens. I pass out the next assignment. I keep the class's attention on me. I keep going, and in my head I'm thinking this is a gamble! What if she doesn't respond? What am I going to do with her? I don't want to fight with her! I refuse to fight with her! Now we're listening to a chapter from our story book, and she shoves her pencil and eraser off the desk. We're talking about the chapter, she shoves her desk toward the far wall. We're listening some more, she throws her textbook off her desk and pushes her desk farther. She's making huffing sounds. We've finished reading and now we're doing science. She shoves her desk into my desk. At which point, I pause, look at her for the first time since she started her pout and say "I am willing to let you sit there, but I am not willing to let you damage school property. I'm moving your desk over here (facing the side wall, back to the class) and you are welcome to keep sitting." She huffs but sits quietly. Finally, while everyone else is answering the science questions, she comes up to me and says, "Teacher, will you change my seat?" with a pout on her face. I move her desk back, and ask if she would like to do the worksheet about the story that the other students did in class now or for homework. She does it now. She then proceeds to answer the science questions with my help and by the time we line up for lunch she's smiling and laughing again. And during journal time after recess she even comes to show me in her journal where she's written "I'm happy today".

Whew.

I have survived the anger of another 8 year old. And I feel like I've been through a wringer! I don't know - I don't know what I should have done initially, how can I help this girl understand and see her behavior? Maybe it's not possible and not necessary. Maybe it's just something she'll grow out of. Maybe the only safe way to do it is through modeling. And then again maybe my example had nothing to do with it, maybe she was just primed to blow - an argument at home, or in school, or some other reason she was feeling particularly sensitive. That's the thing with kids, you just never know...

Brrrr!!

It is bitterly cold here and it always amazes me how little kids seem to be immune to the cold! I'm sure not! And yet my kids are running around with practically no clothes on (every day we argue about putting coats on, I insist they do and ultimately persevere, but 5 minutes after they get outside the coats are strewn on the ground...sigh...).

Just another one of those mysteries about kids!

Back from Vacation

So I have taken a short a hiatus from posting while the school has been closed for a quick vacation, but it is Monday morning and we are back in the swing of things!

I had really hoped the weekend away from the classroom would recharge my batteries and it definitely has...using all the patience I can muster is very impotant and a few days away from my kids definitely helps me do that.

For example, this morning I made my peace with AM and her cursive - regardless of whether her difficulty following the cursive pattern is a form of dyslexia or a form of attention-seeking behavior, I have decided that it is more important to let her make her letters however she wants and reinforce her accomplishments, than to make both of us frustrated by going over and over them. I think especially with something like cursive where it's not essential that she get it perfect it is more important that she feel good about herself and her abilities then that she makes the letters in the right order. We can save the frustratingly slow repetition for math where it is absolutely essential. And if it is just an attention-seeking behavior, if I don't focus on it, she may simply stop doing it.

We'll see how it goes! Oh the trail and error of teaching!

This article on online schooling is really interesting - I had no idea it was so popular. As an elementary teacher, I wonder about taking elementary school online because I think one of the most important parts of elementary school is the socialisation.

But I wonder, if online school becomes more popular, maybe we'll see a rise in education or teaching "consultants" who come into people's homes and lead their children through online education. I wonder if that's one solution to underpaid teachers - allow parents to pay individuals as much as they think their children's education is worth. Ideally, the more qualified and the best teachers will be paid more.

However, having just watched The Nanny Diaries, I wonder about the actual effectiveness of a system like that. Given the portrayal of the treatment of New York nannies, I hesitate to suggest subjecting already overworked and undervalued teachers to such a system! I think M's observation in an earlier post is quite correct - the parents who pay for or monitor their child's education are not the ones directly benefiting from the teaching.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/01/education/01virtual.html?ref=education

The Worse Use of Technology...

Yesterday, I was trying to find something to show my kids about government and I came across an example of the WORST use of technology imaginable for a classroom. It is exactly what the Education Evolving article is talking about; forcing technology to fit the current models of the classroom that exist already instead of using technology to change these models.

Granted, this was an older use of technology. It is a "History for Kids" movie, supopsedly for "kids of all ages," about "Our Federal Governemnt". I previewed it to see if it was appropriate for my class and practically fell asleep! It it nothing but still photos (with the camera moving in on them to present the illusion of motion) and bullet points actually printed on the screen.

This is exactly what we are trying to get away from in the classroom! Especially the elementary one!

Federal dollars for private school...Why not?

This article talks about Bush's proposal to offer $300 million in federal funds (Pell Grants for Kids) for low-income families to send their children to private or religious schools. In other words, it's a voucher proposal.

One argument against voucher proposals is that they drain funding from urban schools in need of money, and that if NCLB had worked we wouldn't need private schools to compete with public schools. But the problem is that public schools ARE a mess, so instead of forcing low-income students to remain in these schools because they "need money" we need some sort of solution that addresses the problem. Forcing low-income students to remain in these schools to fund them is basically forcing them to suffer for the future students who "might" get a better education if we ever get our act together. If money was enough to improve these schools, the problem of public education would have been solved a long time ago!

Another argument that seems to come up with proposals like this is that it permits federal dollars to be spent on religious education. But what's wrong with that? In America, we seem to be so concerned with a separation between church and state, but perhaps the problem is not spending federal money on religion, it's spending federal money on only one religion to the exclusion of others. Perhaps there is nothing wrong with permitting parents to use federal vouchers to send their kids to religious schools as long as we permit them to send them to any religious schools. After all, our nation is founded on that kind of religious freedom. Instead of trying to pretend we have no values, we should celebrate the diversity of values, religious and otherwise, we have.

Check out Bush's proposal: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/29/washington/29educ.html?ref=education

Learning Disabilities?

Every morning we have been learning a new cursive letter (something which I guess most of us learned in third grade, although I certainly don't remember when I learned it). The kids actually really enjoy learning cursive - I think it makes them feel grown up! And they are actually very good at it.

Except that I have one student, AM, who simply doesn't get it. I use worksheets that show you the letters piece by piece, where to start and then where to go next and I demonstrate several times in class. But AM has a very hard time doing the letters in the right order, often reversing or inerting the tails and loops and seeming very confused. For a while I wasn't sure if her continuous lifting of her pencil was an attention-seeking behavior, but now I'm pretty sure it's a spacial relationship thing and maybe a dislexia thing? I also wonder if it could be connected to math because she has trouble with basic addition and subtraction, sometimes skipping numbers or inverting relationships. But it doesn't really seem like dislexia because she doesn't reverse her letters - it's slightly different.

Anyway, the question this raises for me is what can I do to help her! We spend quite a lot of time going over the cursive letters in class together (tracing my outlines) but sometimes I wonder if there's any point in frustrating her with something as superfluous as cursive - I mean who cares if she picks up her pencil and makes her a's with a full circle instead of a half circle, they still look pretty much the same.

It also makes me wonder what kind of training in learning disabilities I would have recieved if I had attended teacher's college. Maybe cursive isn't important, but could this same thing be related to her difficulties in math? Is there some way I could help her perceive it differently rather than through sight? Will she simply grow out of it? And how much else don't we understand about the human brain and children's development - what other behaviors could be related to perception rather than choice (I'm thinking about my student with possible autism)?

Bill Gates is Britney Spears

This morning I had one of those convergence moments...when something I read last night was perfectly relevant today (just like when you learn a new word you invariably hear it within 24 hours).

I've been reading the World is Flat (which deserves it's own entry and probably several of them, but I haven't worked up the courage to open that can of worms yet. The short version: Friedman argues that several factors have converged to "flatten" the world, or rather the global economic playing field, as technology and several other factors makes it possible for more people to participate in the economy from more places.) and last night I read a chapter on "The Quiet Crisis" or the unacknowledged problem the US is facing as it moves into this flattened economy, specifically gaps in connectivity, education, and governance.

Or as Friedman puts it, "In China today, Bill Gates is Britney Spears. In America today, Britney Spears is Britney Spears - and that is our problem."

And wouldn't you know - this morning, one of my girls asked me to read one of the books I picked out at the library for them, called Bill Gates, which I had just grabbed as a biography. Until we read it together and I realized that Friedman is right! This was a kid's book, meant to instill a sense of awe and diligence in these kids, with a glossary in the back for words like "program" and "Microsoft". And a final sentence which says, "Bill Gates is the richest man in the world, but he still works because work is the most important thing possible."

So one point for Friedman. In China (and in the Asian country that I'm in), Bill Gates is Britney Spears.

Just a side note...

My roommates and I have recently started watching The Wire. We're only a few episodes in, but there it is already chock full of intrigue, mystery, and just plain violence. It's a great show, but really intense! And it makes me really glad that the challenge I've become passionate about is education and not drugs... I don't think I'd make it on the streets of Baltimore, as a cop or anyone else. And now every time I complain about the environment here, there will be a little part of my brain that will remember to be glad I'm not fighting crime and bureaucracy.

Thank you International Festival!

As you may have noticed, my last several posts have been rather negative, and I can't say that that is misleading - the past few days HAVE been very negative, and not just for me. All the teachers at the school have been down recently, not surprising given the emotional climate (the "unprofessional" comment still irks me).

But every now and then something happens to make it all worth it. And today was one of those times.

Among my "event planning" duties (somehow I ended up being in charge of the school's events, basically because no one else wanted to do it and they needed a woman to be on the leadership team) is the International Festival, traditionally when students are assigned countries and research their country, make a poster, etc. At my international school we had something similar, except it only happened in 7th grade. (I was El Salvador and had to find the national anthem, the flag, and a bunch of other things and set up a table on the field with all the other 7th graders. Then people spent the day coming around to our tables, where we were dressed in costume and had information about our country. And maybe cookies.)

Anyway, it seems to me that one of the best things about our school is the small (you might say intimate) size. With only 130 kids, many of the students know one another and because of the social norms of the country we are in, many of the older students are particularly good with the younger students. However, there seems to be a large divide between the schools (elementary, middle, and high), exacerbated by the fact that the elementary classes meet in another building. I know from watching my kids in the halls that they are fascinated by the older students, and we had a particularly successful experience last semester having the high school psychology class come and teach 2nd and 3rd graders for a few days. The high school students were studying child development and this gave them a chance to see firsthand just how differently the younger students think and behave. And the younger students were completely enthralled. They loved working with the high schoolers and were on their best attention-seeking behavior (at one point I looked over and saw one student, AM, crawling on the floor. She wanted to sharpen her pencil and there were too many chairs in the way, so she simply got on her knees. The very cool and detached eleventh grade boy working with her was looking on in complete disbelief. Watching my students with the high schoolers was also a reminder of how much their behavior with me has changed in just a few months, and how much order I have succeeded in instating in the classroom even though it doesn't always feel that way to me!).

Thinking about all this, it occurred to me that the International Festival might be a great time to start crossing some of these grade-level divisions. So I proposed dividing the whole school into small groups (mixed between elementary, middle, and high school) and giving each group a country to work on together. And I was totally amazed when people got behind the idea (or rather, when people didn't flatly refuse to participate) and even okayed using school time to work on the project. So I split the school into 32 groups, made a supervision schedule, made a computer room rotation schedule, worked out all the kinks that popped up (new students, students leaving, students who don't speak English, teachers without free time, etc.) and then crossed my fingers.

Today was the first time the groups met and I was really nervous (those of you who know what I'm like when I'm planning events can probably imagine) and I spent the group work hour running from classroom to classroom checking on everything and rounding up stranded students and missing groups.

But it was a total success. Amazing really. So unbelievably satisfying. The groups that got it really got it and even the ones who were a little hesitant at first were picking up momentum by the end of the hour. And it was just so amazing to see everyone working together. To walk into a classroom and see a little elementary student looking up a a high school student with wide eyes and then catching sight of me and flashing an impish grin as if to say, "Look at me, playing with the big kids". And to see the high school students come to pick up the elementary students and take them by the hand and start talking about where they are going now and what they are doing. To see the middle school student chasing the pre-kindergartener who can't seem to help running out of the classroom and down the hall, trying to ice skate on his shoes, only to slip and fall in exactly the same spot and then pick himself up and start running away again. To have one teacher pull me aside and say, "See that group of students with three high schoolers, one middle schooler, and your third grader? Well, your third grader is running it! She keeps saying, so who's going to do this? And, you do this. She is something." And to open the door to every classroom in the school and see students of all ages, heads bent over books and maps, computer screens and pieces of paper and know that this is only day one. To have my students who were practically quivering with nerves before meeting their groups come running back into the classroom at 3 and not be able to sit down or stop talking they have so much excited energy, each one showing each other proudly the scraps of paper with their various assignments written down on them. To have one teacher say that his students returned "flying". To have another say how much fun it was just to watch the students and how convinced he is even from the first 15 minutes of today that this is just a good idea. To have another teacher share his experience with a junior who, when he was told he should take a leadership role because he was the oldest, looked up with panic in his eyes and said, "but I have no leadership" (this is one of the reasons projects like this are so important, to give the students a chance to develop leadership) and to be sure that he will find a way to lead. To watch one of the outspoken high schoolers fly down the stairs in a flurry, shouting over his shoulder "I lost one!" after he forgot to pick one of his students (she was patiently waiting in her teacher's classroom, but was happy to be collected). To talk to five juniors and seniors who just got suspended for cutting class and tell them that this project isn't about them, it's about their groups and that they have a responsibility to those groups, and then to see them doing their share of the work today, and helping their groups plan for Thursday when they won't be there. To smile into the eyes of nervous kids and tell them to have fun! To catch a bit of school spirit on our otherwise fragmented campus.

That is why today was one of those amazing days. Days when you realize exactly why you are doing what you're doing. Days when I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, when I wouldn't want to miss one second of my kids' craziness (when the high schoolers started coming in to pick up the kids in my class, one girl, SG, came to me and said, "Teacher, I'm going to cry!" I said, "Why?" thinking she was sad because no one had come to get her yet, and she said, "This is the first time our class won't be together!"). And when their cries of "See you tomorrow teacher" really hit home.

Which raises two questions: 1) how do you get more of those days, and 2) how many of them is enough to keep you going?

This story claims that 2900 Hawaii state teachers are underqualified for their jobs...and that under No Child Left Behind (NCLB) all teachers in all states were supposed to be "highly qualified" (bachelor's degree, state license, and proven competence in all subjects they teach) by 2005-2006...and that none met the deadline. Apparently, schools are having trouble attracting qualified teachers. Surprise, surprise. Again, I ask, who is going to be left to teach my kids?

http://www.honoluluadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080125/NEWS07/801250351/1012/NEWS07

Grey Mondays...

It's Monday afternoon and it looks like everyone is feeling pretty down - it is the first day of the new semester (and quarter 3) so there was an influx of new students this morning, all unannounced of course, so none of the teachers with new students had books or desks or anything. I didn't have any new students this morning, but who knows...it's all the little things combined that make this such an aggravating environment to work in. You never know what's coming next; is it a new student? Is it a new lesson plan format? Is it a formal observation (I still haven't been observed)? Is is a new class (we are teaching or rather covering music until further notice)? Is it a teacher out sick (the art teacher is out today and tomorrow so we have to cover art classes too)?

It feels like pretty much no one looks forward to coming to school anymore...how long before the kids notice? That our tempers are a little shorter, our smiles a little slower, our sighs a bit deeper...

Putting or buying stock in our students?

This bombardment of emails/posts is always best when I get a response. Here's M's somewhat unorthodox but definitely thought-provoking solution to some of the problems we've talked about with education. I'd better start figuring out who among my kids is the next Steve Jobs!

This leads me to something else I was thinking about. Why does one teacher stick with the same grade their whole lives? It occurs to me that this must belong to the age of industrialization, where a static, regimented, division of labor ruled the roost. Perhaps the thinking is that a teacher would specialize in teaching kids of a certain age, and that customizing to the age, rather than to the student, was the most effective way to go.

But I want to call into question the conventional design in education: teachers shouldn't specialize to age. Rather, they should specialize and customize to the student. The first big change this would entail would be that a teacher might follow the development of a student across ages and grades. And that change brings me to another complaint you've written about in your blog--namely, that teaching does not involve much teamwork and cooperation with other teachers. What if instead of one teacher per student, across time, we had a team of teachers, across time?

The downside is that if a student gets stuck with a poor teacher, they're with that teacher for a very long time. Perhaps change is good. But the reason I disagree is that there seems to be a *star teacher* phenomenon. A star teacher completely changes their students' lives. Fills it with meaning. And of the accounts of heard of, most people remember having one star teacher. Not ten. Throw Kozol in there too. These types are the innovators. We want more of them. And we want to encourage them.

Why do teachers do teachers get paid less than other professions?

My quick answer: because they work with about the same amount of knowledge as blood-letting doctors in the middle ages had.

A more complicated answer: because their patrons (parents) do not reap the benefits of their investment. Let's play here. Let's say some teacher was responsible for Sergei Brin and Larry Page. Every kid that came out of this class turned into the equivalent of a Google founder. What would this mean for the teacher? Well, beyond her salary, nothing much, mainly because there's no way to tie the outcomes to the teacher.

What if every teacher had stock options *in* their students? Similar to how start-ups offer up options in the company before they can pay anyone. Then, when a teacher's students become productive, the teacher can cash their options in....such remuneration will attract talent. Better teachers will create better students.

Okay that's wild speculation. But what I won't accept is this counter-argument: teaching is a noble profession, so out of our civic duty, we ought to pay teachers more. The main reason this is a terrible idea is that bad teachers want more money too. And if there's no way to weed out bad teachers, then giving everyone a raise is a waste of resources.

One day at a time (finale)...

And now I'm at the end of a long day and a long week. I arrived at school this morning armed with Red Grammer and a smile for each of my kids. We bopped along to Down by the Sea, Two Hands Four Hands, and Grandfather's Clock (one of my all-time favorite songs, which many of my students said they know and one even said his mother learned to play!). The kids were fascinated by my iPod and the speakers, so I taught them how to use them (they are growing up with an intuitive knowledge of technology that I find amazing - when I was home visiting M, his six year-old nephew was able to get on the computer, search the web, find games he'd never played before, and figure out how to play them, all without any help from his parents...probing...).

And then before we took our science quiz on trees, I took them outside to actually look at some trees - they were fascinated. We looked at deciduous trees and coniferous trees and talked about why we didn't have any tropical rain forests or coastal forests. We picked up pine cones, pine needles, fallen leaves, and then ran back to the classroom (because it was FREEZING this morning) and had a wonderful time pulling pine cones apart, finding seeds, (these pine cones look different than the ones at home and I had just as much fun as my kids did) and then drawing them.

Then for the last 25 minutes before lunch we had "R, D, F together" time - when they are allowed to read, draw, or fold (origami) in pairs or groups, which they love doing and I think is an incredibly important part of 3rd grade. Learning to work together is invaluable and encouraging their creativity is equally important. Today I asked one of my girls, AM, to teach me how to draw because all the girls in my class can draw and I have noticed over the year that they have been teaching AM (or she has been learning) how to draw like they do. AM is foreign and didn't grow up with this style of drawing. Since I didn't either and I am a terrible artist, I thought I might as well get in on this! If I take one thing away from my year... Plus, I think it is a good for the student to become the teacher - at one point when I was distracted by something going on elsewhere in the room, she said "Pay attention!" And I teased, "Now you know how I feel". She really enjoyed showing me what to do and before I knew it I had three more volunteers to teach me "their styles" (apparently they're all at different drawing "levels" as they call them and each is eager to teach me what they know. They also defer to certain students who know the most or are at the "last drawing level".) I can't wait to keep learning.

But here's the rub. It was an amazing morning and they had a great time, but doing an entire day like that is hard with limited resources (like construction paper, shoe boxes, any art supplies, etc.). Even when the textbooks do suggest a hands on activity to supplement a lesson, I often don't have and don't know how to get the supplies I need. And I don't have a budget to get them with, so I end up simply buying them, which I don't mind doing to a point (I bought music and origami paper), but in the end...

And the location of the school is not ideal in terms of spending class time outdoors - looking at trees is about it in terms of what's around the school. There is a tiny playground (really meant for very young children) and an enclosed lot covered in gravel with soccer goals where they spend recess. But no field, no flowers, no enclosed space to be in (there is a street running between the elementary building and the other building). When it was warmer we have played classroom games outside, but in terms of exploration or piquing their curiosity I feel a bit stymied as far as outdoors goes. And taking a field trip is made more than usually difficult given the language and cultural barriers - I think I would be very uncomfortable taking them anywhere by myself certainly.

Anyway, this afternoon we watched a movie, Fly Away Home, with the 2nd and 4th graders, which they enjoyed (and was supposed to be a treat to celebrate the end of the semester, which was today), but in reality a full length movie is basically just outside their attention span, especially when they are combined with the 2nd graders who have even shorter attention spans. It is also difficult to combine classes because you combine teaching styles too, and it is hard to know exactly how much you can shush someone else's student in their classroom. I think as much as they love the idea of watching a movie, they had much more fun this morning then they did this afternoon watching the movie. So now I'm trying to figure out what else I can do to engage that level of interest. What other things will get them as excited as staring at dead leaves on the ground and pulling apart pine cones?

Maybe we'll bake cookies! Or make butter by shaking heavy cream in a jar (if I can find heavy cream here...).

Anyway, after the past 48 hours of frustration and self-reflection, I'm now feeling both resigned and somewhat smug. It's as if how much I love my class and how many fun things we're going to do is my little secret. But it also feels like by accepting everything that's going on now, we're all being set up for future frustration. And my big fear about the fact that I've given up on the administration to focus on my kids (which is what an ungenerous reading of Kozol might seem to suggest doing) is that this is reflective of a broader trend among teachers, and indicative of why so little change to the system occurs. If everyone pulls into their shell and toughs it out for their kids, then no one is left to make things change, to fight for the teachers and their kids.

One day at a time (cont)...

Anyway, after sending off that email I was so upset and angry I felt physically ill - this has not been an easy year for many reasons and there are arguably plenty of reasons why I do not need to be doing this (everything of course being compounded by the fact that I am far away from home in a very foreign country).

And then I was very lucky. While I was home over the holidays, and browsing through books at the bookstore with unmitigated glee (books in English!!!), I caught sight of a recent book by Jonathan Kozol called Letters to a Young Teacher. I picked it up, thumbed through, and was immediately caught up in the world of "Francesca's" first grade classroom and Kozol's wonderful descriptions of his own experiences teaching. I figured, I am a young teacher, and here is a renowned educationalist (is that a word? regardless, check out Kozol's partial hunger strike and impassioned indictment of the No Child Left Behind Act) talking about teaching with a young teacher. I could use the help.

And little did I know how true that would be. Last night, I grabbed the book off my shelf and started reading. I made it through six chapters before I realized I was smiling and the tears in my eyes were no longer tears of anger, but tears of joy, of amazement. Leading me to send this to M:

And I'm heading to bed - I feel a lot better. After my rant to you, I picked up Jonathan Kozol's book on my shelf. Good thing I bought it before I left! It's amazing. Really. He's a wonderful writer with really meaningful experiences that he shares eloquently and passionately. And the first couple chapters helped me refocus on why I get up every morning to go to school - my kids. My amazing, crazy, wonderful blossoming kids. They are such a miracle, kids in general. And my duty, the job I took on, my responsibility to them (not to my contract) needs to be the most important thing in my life.

I think part of the frustration and hurt and anger I feel comes from how upset I am about education in general AND the fact that anyone would put me in a situation where I can't do the best job I can to teach these kids. I arrived here five months ago, eager, open, excited and instead of having access to things I could really get my kids excited about I feel like I have nothing, leaving me both feeling cheated out of that experience and like I'm cheating them out of it at the same time. But I took on this job. I made a promise to these kids whether I realized it or not, to be here for a year and to teach, excite, challenge, nurture them. And if no one is going to help me do that or make it easy by giving me flashy TV screens and animated shorts or computers with storytelling programs on them, I am still obligated to find a way to do it for them. That's what education is about. I may get frustrated about the structure of education and what I'm expected to teach. And I may get angry at the administration of this school for all the things they do that seem to make my job harder, but at least until the end of this year I am in a relationship with these kids. And somehow I will figure out how to do all those things. How to make them feel confident, curious, excited, and self reflective. How to not squash them into the confines of a textbook and a set of standards and objectives. How to encourage them to think abut and question the things around them. How to let them know they are each special. Because that's why this job is so important and that's what makes me want to fix education generally. This time is a gift - it is so short, soon they'll stop asking about anything that comes into their head, soon they'll stop loving recess simply for the sake of running and screaming as loud as they can. Soon they won't want to share their absurd stories. Soon they'll be afraid to raise their hands in class. Soon they'll be afraid of being embarrassed. Soon they'll be worrying about grades and competition. Right now is when I can teach them to love themselves and others before all the rest sets in, and if any of it sticks it will be a foundation for the rest of their lives. I can fix education next year; right now I need to be here for my kids.

Speaking of self reflection, I guess I've been doing some tonight. I really do think a lot of the frustration and the gut wrenching pain I've been feeling is anger - not necessarily at anyone, even the owners or this school, but just general anger. Anger that I think what teachers are being asked to teach in textbooks isn't relevant anymore. Anger that I came here to teach and don't really know how to and don't have abundant resources to do so. Anger that not everyone is taught that they are special, or to love reading, or to help each other. Just blind rage. It makes me want to scream; it's like the debunking of education for me. My mom did such a good job of educating us, of helping us to be curious, passionate, wide-eyed people. And I see this stifling system of education and I want to yell at someone. I want to shake someone. I want to know why more people aren't yelling and screaming. Don't they know what's going on? Don't they understand how precious the years before 6th grade are? And the ones after? Don't they understand that children going to school in a leaky trailer learning about things that don't interest them are growing up disenchanted and emotionally crippled? How can we be letting this happen?

And how can I, knowing all this, get frustrated with my kids? What do I do when I need a few minutes of down time to clear my mind, to focus on that specialness again? If I, who love my kids, who see the specialness, who want to encourage them, have off days, down days, distracted days, days when I just need them to be quiet, what do I do? How can anyone do this? How can anyone raise not just one or two children, but 9 (or even 20 or 30 in a public school)?

So I downloaded some Red Grammer - do you remember him from the car in Maine? (I also wanted some Tom Chapin but iTunes doesn't have the ones I want - although I am amazed they had Red Grammer!) I don't know how I'm going to do it. But I'm going to start by finding the things I love and sharing them with them. We read Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs the other day and they loved it. We're going to read even more - not just them reading to themselves or to each other, but me reading to one or two of them. There has to be a way to encourage each of them and build on their specialness.

One day at a time...

This is one of those days when I get home from work and feel totally wiped out (my roommate, a first year 6th grade teacher comes home every afternoon and collapses for a few hours), like I'm made of metal and I've had a hundred teeny hammers banging on all sides of me for hours and even though there's no more banging, I can still hear the echoes.

I haven't written anything for the past few days, and actually they've been pretty eventful. I've noted a few times my frustration with this particular school. Granted, I don't have a lot to compare it to, and I realize I am lucky for many reasons, but I still believe there are legitimate reasons for this frustration. And the biggest indicator of that for me is the atmosphere among the teachers. I have never felt frustration so thick you can almost see it. And the amazing thing is that the administration and owners don't seem to really get it.

Two weeks ago, the music teacher, who had a part time job with an extremely low hourly rate and with contract, and is wonderful with children was offered a much better full time job. Having been here for almost 3 years, with no resources, no budget, and no support for the music program, she decided (reluctantly because of the kids she would be leaving in the middle of the year) to accept it. When she went to tell the owner of the school, the woman basically tried to emotionally blackmail her into staying, telling her she couldn't leave without a month's notice (even though she didn't have a contract) and then that she couldn't leave without finding a replacement for her own position. When the teacher persisted (her final day was today) the owner simply didn't pay her for the work she had completed, saying vaguely, "next month". Of course if she isn't paid next month there may be nothing the music teacher can do about it.

Now, two weeks is rather short notice, but even so, it wasn't until a week and a half later that the owner came to our leadership meeting and basically said "we haven't found a teacher, so what are you going to do about it?" implying that we should simply cover the extra classes - temporarily. Now this wouldn't be as big of a deal as it is if there weren't a parallel situation going on with middle school ESL. In early October one of the teachers (two actually, but that's a different unflattering administration story) left in the middle of the night without notice. In order to cover his classes the middle school ESL program was suspended so that the the vice-principal, who was teaching middle school ESL, could cover this teacher's classes. This move was temporary, until someone else could be hired (note that the other teacher who left in the middle of the night without notice's classes were covered by a local hire for several weeks until a replacement teacher arrived. So far that has been the only time a local substitute has been brought in - when one of the teachers was required to go on a sports trip with the students, the principal told her she was responsible for getting other teachers to cover her classes, which is absurd since it requires asking people to give up their prep periods to cover classes, turning it into a personal favor.) and the ESL students were moved into the mainstream middle school classes.

It is now January 25th and there is still no middle school ESL teacher. It sounds like basically the owners have had bad luck with people applying, accepting, and then backing out of the job for various reasons, but we are in a country with an incredibly high number of ESL teachers, and for four months now those kids have been sitting in classrooms where they simply do not understand anything that is going on.

And this is just the latest in a series of events that have led the staff to their current highly agitated state. From the elimination of classroom budgets, questionable pension and tax practices, nonexistent pay statements, poorly handled publicity, poorly run staff meetings, unfocused directives, AND unappealing housing conditions and maintenance (the school provides apartments which are themselves nice, but the building itself is just awful, it has not been painted in years, the stairways are never clean, and it is utterly depressing).

I left yesterday's staff meeting feeling really upset, frustrated, and angry, prompting this email to M:

Too bad you have no cell or I'd call you on the train - we had a rough day today. The staff meeting happened with the music teacher stuff and everything else everyone was feeling came out too. And then the owner cornered a few of us who were talking after the meeting and told us how unprofessional she thought we all were because she had heard there was yelling at the meeting (which had just happened, so clearly someone had gone straight to her to fill her in). And then told us that we were "teachers" so why didn't we just take the kids for the extra time and "do something with them". Why are we always trying to push them on other people?

Has she ever taught 8 year olds? Or anyone? The day my kids have music I have lunch duty, so I'll be on from 8am to 1:30pm straight, get 20 minutes, and then finish the day off. It's so frustrating! And yes, I know they're trying to hire people, but this is just one more thing where we feel underappreciated and apprehensive about the reasoning behind their choices (ie. money comes first). Not to mention her remark that having the middle school ESL kids in the mainstream classes (bc of the other teacher who left) is just "inconvenient" to the teacher - what about the kids?? They CANNOT speak English! They are sitting in classrooms where they DO NOT UNDERSTAND anything. And their parents are paying 12,000 bucks a year for that privilege? We have graduating seniors this year who CANNOT speak English - yet they do not offer ESL in 11th or 12th grade because we wouldn't want to suggest that we are graduating students who need extra help...extra help?! These kids need an entire English education!

They just sent us an email saying how hard they are trying to find a music and ESL teacher (as if those are the only problems) and why can't we have a little patience? I really want to reply all and say: I have purchased a ticket home. After having my professionalism and my dedication to my class questioned, I have decided that I no longer want to be treated this way. In fact, I am so dedicated to my class, I sincerely believe they would be better served by attending another institution entirely rather than staying here. I have told my students' parents just how unqualified I am to be teaching their children and how poor the graduating students' English is due to lack of resources and appropriate ESL instruction. I look forward to accepting a job where my considerable talent and dedication will be more appreciated.

William and Flora Hewlett Foundation

So I'm already feeling a little ashamed of my previous post - it was perhaps a little dramatic. And yet, I can't help but feel that the question of education reform is so unbelievably important and yet so far from the public conversation. Most of the things I hear about education are how to pull test scores up and how to make sure kids graduate. But maybe we need to be talking about whether what we're teaching in schools currently and how we're teaching it is appropriate for our rapidly changing world. Often I feel like testing my kids on memorization of basic facts is redundant because today you can find almost anything on the Internet in a few minutes, if you know where to look.

Anyway, part of the reason for this blog is to educate myself about what is out there - and by clicking through the Evolving Education website I came across the William and Flora Hewlett Foundation which funds educational research. Just a little reassurance that people are working on this stuff!

The Value of Teachers...

One aspect of my first year of teaching that differs from most people's is that I am in a foreign country at a privately owned school. This has brought it's own set of challenges, and perhaps makes any generalizations I choose to make about education slightly more suspect, but I can't help but believe that even though I am far away from home, my experiences have relevance to the system of education in America and elsewhere around the world.

First of all, one of the things that has been bothering me all year is why, even though I love kids, I don't want to continue teaching after this year. I am young, energetic, great with kids. And I love learning. But even so, teaching doesn't appeal to me as a career at all. Why not? One of my colleagues who's been teaching for 7 years pointed out that, ironically, teaching is a very solitary activity. Yes, you are in a classroom all day with students, however schools do not tend to be places where teachers work together at all. And as anyone who has spent a 40 hour week in a classroom with 8 year olds can tell you, that lack of adult conversation and thinking level can be incredibly frustrating. Second of all, teachers have very little control over what goes on in their schools as a whole. So many of my colleagues who have been here for several years have become hermits intentionally; they remain removed from school politics because they're seen it all, heard it all, and nothing ever gets done. So the valuable insights they might bring to the table are lost and every day is a battle between the administration and the teachers. The lack of communication between "sides" and the constant talking past one another is incredibly frustrating to watch.

But (thanks to Ayah Mahgoub!) I recently read an amazing article published by Education Evolving (an organization devoted to brainstorming change in actual schools and schooling) that explains precisely why being a teacher is so frustrating and potentially unappealing to intelligent, young people - teaching is basically a dead-end job. There were many things in this article that had me jumping out of my seat (for future posts), but this simple sentence just stopped me in my tracks. It's true. Teaching doesn't go anywhere. Your job stays the same, the material stays the same, practically even if you change subjects. Education as it is taught today, following static curriculum and geared toward multiple-choice style assessment doesn't go anywhere. So why would it attract driven young people who want to make a change in the world? Sure, we all grow up knowing that education is important, and many people grow up thinking they want to be teachers, but the reality is repetitive, and potentially incredibly frustrating when limited by resources, testing requirements, and administrative decisions. All of these things combined often result in cynical, disengaged teachers.

And that is so upsetting. As I pointed out earlier, I spend 40 hours a week with these kids, which is more time than they spend with their parents (particularly in the country where I am living because after school these kids go to more school). One of the first staggering realizations I had this year is how important teachers really are. The things I do and say everyday affect my kids whether I want them to or not. The way I talk to them, treat them, permit them to treat each other. Particularly at this age, they simply absorb everything I do. And to realize that the conditions of teaching and the structure of teaching as a profession contribute to both the lack of appealingness to young people and the frustration of longtime teachers makes me wonder who will be left to teach my kids? And how on earth did teaching become such an undervalued profession in our society?

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs...

One of the best parts about teaching elementary students is getting to read your favorite books with them. Yesterday, we read Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, which if you haven't read I highly recommend! They loved it just about as much as I did in third grade - there's just something about those clouds of hamburger blowing in from the northwest and showers of orange juice!

A proud moment...

We finished watching Sarah Plain and Tall this afternoon and they really liked it. We read it right before winter break and they found a lot of the differences between the book and the movie. I was so happy to be able to show them all the words we talked about: porch, overalls, prairie, squall, etc. It's nice to bring them to life.

And sometimes I look at them hard at work, squirming away, their faces all scrunched up and feel a wave of pride wash over me from head to toe - they are so little and they are so energetic and so full of personality and they do learn and they are growing emotionally, physically, mentally and socially. And they are my students - I spend 40 hours a week with them. I know what makes them laugh and smile, I know what makes them unhappy, I know what they love to do, what they hate, and so many of their quirks. It's a really special role.

Administration Frustration

I am feeling better today, which is a great relief to me - I was not looking forward to another day of being worn down by my kids! Even the grey, cold, rainy weather can't get me down!

But now that I'm feeling better I can focus on some of my other problems - namely formal observation. Working at this small school has been an interesting experience for many reasons, some of which I have alluded to elsewhere (no ESL resources in a predominantly ESL school, so far 3 teachers have left unexpectedly during the school year and 3 more recently announced they would be doing the same, somehow within my first three weeks at this school I was asked to run the events committee which I have come to realize is a ridiculous idea and somewhat akin to being a figurehead, since without any official budget, event planning ends up being a lot of late nights cutting out snowflakes!) and the whole formal observation debacle is merely another chapter in that experience.

The whole thing began several months ago, back in November when the principal (who is pretty much universally disliked for his poor management style and seemingly unreasonable decisions) announced that he would begin doing formal observations shortly and that these observations would be unannounced in order to catch teachers "al fresco", which in addition to making no sense, put everyone's hackles up because it made people feel like he was trying to "catch them" doing something wrong or something they weren't supposed to, which merely added to everyone's frustration.

My colleagues who have been teaching for 25 and 30 years were indignant because the principal had been a teacher for only 5 before the old principal walked out in the middle of the year (are you sensing a pattern?) and our current principal was tapped as "interim" principal and then made permanent. These experienced teachers ask just how exactly this man is going to evaluate them based on his 5 years of teaching and without any training in administration or observation? In addition, they point out, formal observations are not supposed to be unannounced - they are supposed to be planned out in advance, with both parties agreeing on a time and a lesson that will be taught, and meeting to discuss it afterwards because the point is to guide teachers not spy on them. If you don't think we are doing a good job as teachers, they point out, why did you hire us?

This question of, "If you're going to do X (treat us this way, not trust us, etc.), why did you hire us?" seems to be a continual refrain at this school. As it turns out, formal observations were postponed because of outside circumstances, but they recently reappeared, this time with a sign-up sheet for a three day window during the last two weeks of the semester, which had the high school teachers laughing because they are doing nothing but revision and final projects, so practically no teaching. And the three day window did nothing to appease teachers who saw this as an attempt to catch us out.

Up until now I had been observing the drama from a fairly detached perspective, I was not too worried about observation because a) as a first year teacher I don't really know what I am doing so what can they expect and b) I don't know enough to change what I am doing even if I did know when they were coming. But now even I am annoyed. I dutifully signed up for my three-day observation window, last week, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. And I planned interesting classes, postponing watching Sarah Plain and Tall until Friday figuring I didn't want to inconvenience the principal if he came during one of those days and we were watching our (administratively approved) movie. But he didn't come. And then on Friday, right before last period (I mean really, last period on a Friday, that's just cruel) the vice-principal (not the principal) came up to me to say he was going to come observe right now. Which I said was fine, but we were watching a movie, so it didn't necessarily make sense. He said he'd come back this week. And now I am frustrated because a) since they didn't come when I signed up I am on edge not knowing when they are going to come, which makes me a little jumpy and b) the vice principal's daughter is in my class, and while I know he is the one with elementary experience and it is probably preferable to have him observe me (his feedback may actually be constructive) it is going to be very disruptive for him to come to my class because his daughter is very nervous about getting his approval and any time she sees me talking to him she thinks we are talking about her.

Anyway, this whole drama may not seem very serious, but put on top of all the other things we have dealt with this year (shady tax and pension practices, advertising of someone's position before they were advised there was something wrong, additional work and bureaucratic paperwork at a school of 130 students to mention a few) people are particularly sensitive. It's almost like we wake up every day wondering "What now, what's going to happen today?". So I'll just have to wait and see - will today be my day for observation or will the vice-principal appear again last period on Friday?

Sick Days...

It is amazing how exhausting teaching elementary is when you're feeling under the weather, even when they are behaving well! As far as I can see, elementary school simply requires you to be "on" all the time, and that is so hard to do when you don't feel well!

Ironically, I'm not feeling particularly bad, but even my slight cold makes me a little slower, a little less tolerant, a little more annoyed with every little thing. So it takes an extra reminder to myself that they're only 8 or 9, that even though I've had them raise their hands before they speak for months, they probably won't remember to do it. That everything I do, my mood, my behavior, my comments, affect them because they are like little sponges. And that I had better make sure I don't say or do anything I might regret later.

This is particularly annoying at my school becuase there is no such thing as a subsitute here. If I am out sick, the 2nd or 4th grade teacher will get my kids stuck in their class. Which is not something I would wish on an already frustrated elementary teacher. So fingers crossed my sicknesses come and go quickly this year!

Only Speak English?? Ok.

Of the many things that amaze me about my third graders, one of the most impressive is their control over language. Of the 9 students in my class, only 2 grew up speaking English at home, making my classroom a predominantly ESL environment (ESL - English as a second language or students learning in a non-English environment - as opposed to ELL - English language learners or students learning English in an all-English environment).

This is endlessly frustrating given the lack of an elementary ESL program at my school or ANY elementary ESL resources. Instead I have a full set of American 3rd grade textbooks which I am expected to teach to my students. A ridiculous assignment given their lack of English vocabulary (I am continually surprised by what words they do not know, I'll try to keep a list on the blog, but recently one student asked what "later" meant. And it is amazing what specialized vocabulary is used in third grade textbooks, presumably because native English speakers learn most of their vocabulary simply by hearing those around them use words and the textbooks build upon this foundation. This is something it is almost impossible to replicate in 8 hours of classroom instruction given that most of their classmates also do not know these words.)

But I have to give my students kudos for trying. When I arrived, there was significant native language use in the classroom, to talk to each other, to describe things, to explain things. But as soon as I realized what was going on and how detrimental this was going to be to their English acquisition I decided to make a rule about only using English. Now, even as I was deciding to make this rule I was thinking how futile this would be. How could these 8 and 9 year olds actually stop using their native language and replace it with a language they simply don't know? But I went ahead and made the rule anyway.

And they blew me away. They were actually able to stop using their native language. One student in particular, WY, warms my heart with her determination. Her English vocabulary is very limited, but she continually approaches me to ask for words in English, trying again and again to explain which words she wants to know with her limited English. Over and over she comes, never worrying if we can't figure out which one she wants, simply saying, "Nevermind, nevermind" and rushing back to use a roundabout explanation instead (which may or may not make any sense). Her perseverence awes me.

If only my acquisition of their native language was going so well!