Third Grade Girls

One of the things I learned early on about being a 3rd grade teacher is that pretty soon you come in contact with third grade girls (in fact you do this almost immediately unless you are at an all-boys school). Third grade girls are great - they're cute and sweet and smiley...until you put them in a room with other third grade girls. Then they turn into whiny, teary, almost unrecognizable creatures who never miss an opportunity to pout or declare they're no longer friends. And the worst part about dealing with third grade girls is that you suddenly find yourself beginning to revert to third grade girl status yourself, and find the idea of crossing your arms and stomping on the floor with a big pout on your lips the best idea you've had since you decided to seat the two girls currently pouting and fighting next to each other.

Consider my third grade class. In a class of 9 I have 7 girls (so much estrogen it's a wonder my two boys haven't started acting like third grade girls themselves) and two of them have recently delcared World War III. Now another one of the first things you learn in 3rd grade is that if countries waged war like third grade girls world domination would have succeeded a long time ago. Third grade girls don't simply declare out and out war. No. That's too obvious. Instead they declare their eternal devotion for weeks and then, when you least expect it, they open their eyes wide and claim foul play. "You were mean to me. You don't like me. I guess we can't be friends anymore." And then proceed to tell all the other people you actually don't like - and admitted to disliking in the bosom of friendship - what you said, thereby crippling any possible retaliation.

And then of course as the ultimate revenge, the next day they declare to have forgiven you and invite you to play on the playground, smiling as though nothing has happened and leaving you as jumpy as a jackrabbit wondering where the next attack will come from.

A real life example:

SG and JY are two girls from my class who have had a love/hate drama for several months now. Just this week...

Monday: SG and JY and ES are all best friends, with secret superpower names, secret superpower games, and a really annoying begging song..."Please let us work together, please, please!!" In the middle of language class however, JY bursts into tears becuase "ES said SG said she didn't like ME!" This coming as a complete surprise because they have been playing all morning. After several conferences with ES, JY and SG and ES (ES of course can't remember WHEN SG may hav said this...) we manage to establish that they all enjoy playing together so it shouldn't matter.

Tuesday: Having begged to work together in Science, suddenly SG and JY start fighting again over some suspected slight - SG couldn't find her eraser and then found it somewhere obvious and JY made a face, and suddenly SG is in tears about all the other times JY has made fun of her. I separate their desks. More tears, more discussions, more apologies. Desks moved back.

Wednesday: This morning, JY and SG play again as usual, and then in the middle of cursive practice, another argument breaks out. Again SG is upset becuase JY said something mean or made a face. I tell them it is not talking time. SG can't help making comments about how mean JY is, all the other times she's been mean, and how they can't be friends. JY allegedly pushes SG at the book table. I point out that they've had fights every day this week and every time they've made up, so can't we simply skip the fight and go right to making up? They stare at me in confusion. I know, I know, too much grownup psycho-babble. But it was worth a try. As of now, an hour later they're inseparable again, leaving ME on tenderhooks if not them waiting for the next fight. Hopefully not until tomorrow.

Some say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I say, keep your third grade boys close and your third grade girls closer!